Are we there yet?

When Brittany and Justin where small I made the mistake of making a "count down till..." calendar for any trip we might be taking, it was a fun little page we hung on the fridge and we would put stickers on each day as we counted down to the excitement. This year I have not done any such calendar for any of the trips that we have taken and the kids have apparently had enough of my fun sucking and are revolting to the nth degree. You see we are going to my parents for Christmas this year and Justin asked if we could count down days, I told him sure thinking he would forget like he does with most things ie. make his bed, fill wood box, brush his teeth, change his underwear, you know the basics. Well everyday for 2 weeks Justin has been asking me how many more days till we leave, it has gotten so bad that today I had to tell him I was going to cancel his trip to Colorado if he kept bouncing off the walls. Rebekah promptly asked "Where are we going Mom?" I said "To Denver" she looked at me sad and almost started to cry "I don't want to go to Denbur, I want to go to Papa and Memaws house." So I spent a good amount of time convincing her that Denver meant Memaw and Papas and that yes she did get to stay in their house. When I asked Michael how he was feeling about meeting all these new people he said "Happy" :) and the other day Justin said to him "Michael, something even more better then Memaw and Papas house is this restaurant called Chipotle." Brittany is giddy with excitement and I am looking forward to a 16 hour nap with ear plugs so I do not have to hear "Are we there yet, are we there yet?" oh and Coby is thrilled beyond words. Lookout Colorado the Bennett's are coming and you will NEVER be the same!!!

Commercialism is here...

The "Christmas" season is in its full swing, parties, programs, shopping, singing, running, and so much more. I am trying to keep a positive attitude, it seems to me each year this season gets more and more about the bigger and better then about Christ. That bothers me, it bothers me so much that this year I almost gave in to my desire to cancel the whole thing. I mean what do I really need? What do my kids really need? Why do we need a whole month just to celebrate greediness? These are the thoughts and motivations that Coby and I try so very hard to NOT have our children succumb to. We spend 11 months of the year teaching them the exact opposite of this and in one page turn of the calendar its seems to be undone. The focus is changed and all of the sudden I feel as if the world is going to have more influence over my children then my husband and I do. I tend to focus on that and not see what is right in front of me, four pairs of eyes, four hearts, four tender spirits that remind me they DO know what this is all about. For all my concern about commercialism and selfishness they are still wanting the simple things. You see just this morning I had a little person come in and get me out of bed with HUGE eyes all sparkling and pulled me into the living room NOT to point out the pile of presents under the tree but the big icicles hanging from our eves outside. And on Sunday those same eyes were sad upon hearing that we were not going to be able to go caroling at the Care Center like we have done in the past years. You see I am still reminded that, yes, they do have their priority's in order, and even if the world has theirs messed up my four little chickens have their hearts in the right place. I am amazed at the simple fact that during this time of year when it is so easy to get "caught up" in the me me me attitude they are still wanting to give of themselves and are finding joy in the icicles. :)

bE DeLiGhteD

The other day Rebekah came out of her room carrying a Lego ship she had just created, she stopped and asked me if I liked it and after I gave it the "Rebekah designated allotment of praise" she continued on her way to my bedroom. I asked her what she was doing and she said "I am going to put it in your room and you will be delighted." ahhhh yes delighted am I to have toys strewn about my house. Thank you your royal highness for sharing with me.

BORING!!

Apparently our Christmas trees have been boring for the past 6 years. At least that is what my children told me this past week. They have had fun pointing out all the "Pretty COLORED lights" around town. A couple days ago Brittany even said "Look at those lights Mommy." pointing to a house all decked out with green, blue and red lights. "See how pretty they are Mom. Our tree could be that pretty if we put colored lights on it." To that I responded "When you have a house of your own you can decorate it however you want."

The next day we were getting the Christmas stuff out to set up the tree and there were sighs all around. I kept hearing them and thinking to myself "are white lights really that big of a deal?" so I finally said "ok, we can go get some colored lights from the store." that was met with a chorus of cheers and shrieks of delight. So Brittany and I went to the store and bought lights and the ever important candy canes then headed home. On our way I told her I was excited for next year when Daddy puts a new roof on the house and extends the eves making us able to put lights on the outside as well. She decided that she was excited for that too and I told her "BUT, they WILL be white lights on the house." to that without skipping a beat and with little smile she said "That's ok, as long as our tree is pretty."

So back at home trying to get the "Pretty" lights on took three tries, 1 I put them too close, 2 I started with the wrong end and try 3 they were as close to perfect as I was gonna get. In the end we all had fun. Rebekah got to put the star on top and they all started singing "Oh Christmas tree..." But would get mixed up with the words so it ended up just being the one line over and over. So my friends our tree is up. It is "pretty" with NO white lights on it. All the Bennett chickens are happy.

look in the sky its a bird, its a plane, its.....Rebekah

So the day has finally arrived, and I am not sure how I feel about it. I knew in the back of my mind it would probably come. I knew that the possibility of never having this moment occur was slim to none. And yet here it is and I am not sure how to handle it. I am trying to get my mind around just how your child comes to the point they really, truly, think they are a bird. Yes, yes you read that right, my youngest thinks she is a bird and not just any bird but really thinks that one day she will grow wings and be able to fly in the "high high sky" with her fellow birds.

It started a couple months ago when I was helping her put on her pants and she jumped as I hung onto her jeans and said "look mommy I really flied". It has now progressed to a couple weeks ago she came out of her room and gave a little sigh and said "Mommy, when will my wings get here?" I being caught a little off guard said "what?" she replied "My wings, when will I get them so I can fly higher?" and then just last night when she went to get in bed she looked at me and flapped her arms and said "I need to fly, can you help me?" so I lifted her up as she flapped her "wings" and lightly tossed her in bed, she then turned to me with eyes as big as saucers and said "MOMMY, I REALLY FLIED!!!"

I think I may need to accept responsibility for this, I mean you cant go for three years calling your children chickens and not have at least one end up thinking she is really a bird. Bummer.

its all about ME...DUH!!

Drawing names for a Christmas gift exchange is always an interesting thing and as is the trend in the Bennett house it is slightly more um, well, crazy. Here's the deal, Coby and I decided that this year we would have the kids draw names to see witch sibling they would get to buy a gift for so they get involved in the spirit of giving and yet Coby and I don't go insane trying to get four children to buy sixteen gifts without them seeing what the other ones bought on the ONLY trip we are making to the "city" before Christmas. So, that being said I will give you a little insight into our crazy little life...

We sat the kids down this afternoon to tell them the plan "we have all your names in this bowl and you will be picking a name out of the bowl to see who you get to buy a gift for this year. So when..." Brittany's hand shoots up mid sentence, she is obviously on the ball and already has a deep question for us. "Yes Brittany?" "Um, what if we pick our own name?" "well then we would just have you pick again. (thinking we have answered her question I move on) So when..." her hand shoots up again "yes Brittany?" "So, um what if we pick our name again?" this time my helper husband speaks up and says "then you are fired from the gift exchange." sad look on Brittany's face.
Now it is time to start the picking of names:
This time it is Justin who speaks up "I pick 7" "no Justin we are not picking a number between 1 & 10 we are going to start with Rebekah and go around the room picking." "oh" so I look at Rebekah and say "OK pick a name and that's who you get to buy a Christmas gift for." She picks a name and it is Justin's. YEAH first one down only three to go man why is this WAY harder then it should be. So I tell Rebekah she got Justin's name so I ask her to make sure she understands "So you get to buy a gift for who?" she promptly replies "me" I sigh and say "no for Justin, someone else will buy a gift for you." "HUMPH" We move around the room and all the other children are tickled with who they are buying for. Then we ask the kids again who they are buying a gift for and they all tell us and then Rebekah pipes in and says "Justin and Brittany and Mommy and Daddy and Michael are buying for me. oh and me" Coby and I look at each other and are thinking will she ever get it? Then we hear Justin calmly say to her "Bekah, I am getting you a gift and you are getting me a gift, got it?" "Oh Justin!! I am getting you a gift and one for Mommy!!" EUREKA!!

The BEST holiday EVER!!

Thanksgiving. My most favorite holiday. People often are surprised to hear I have four children, they are even more surprised to hear that my favorite holiday is Thanksgiving. For so many its Christmas but for me its Thanksgiving. Let me give you a little insight into this world of THE BEST HOLIDAY IN THE WORLD!!

1. Family- yes you have this on other holidays but this family time is not overshadowed by an egg hunt or the pile of presents under the tree.
2. Food- yes you have food on Easter and Christmas but you don't get the weigh-in and weigh-out. You just cant beat that.
3. Time - you just cant beat the unobstructed time you get together on Thanksgiving.
4. Commercialism- My sister and I have had MANY conversations about this and we both strongly believe that this is the ONLY holiday that cannot and will not become commercialised. It is and will continue to be a day set aside to be with loved ones and thank the Lord for His blessings.

Happy Thanksgiving!!!!

uMMerware conundrum

Its a funny little world I live in, a world full of smelly boys, stinky feet, and no milk in my fridge. A world where people+dirty dishes don't match up. Today I happened upon another interesting little fact in my world I thought was a point to ponder. You see I washed and dried 4 days worth of laundry today and as I was folding it an interesting thing happened; as I reached the bottom of the basket I started to fold the socks and uMMerware last as my mother taught me to do, and as I did so I noticed that there was a strange number of uMMerware and socks on my male chickens piles. At first glace you may not think twice but I having sooo much wisdom in my little head just waiting to come out saw this for what it truly was; A study on boys and underwear. So I will explain in my true form of studies and once again copy write this before someone tries to steal this and make millions off it. So with out further ado I present:
Boys and Underwear
A Study By
THE Bethany J. Bennett

First Subject: Michael
Age: 6.7 years
Personality: Methodical, Sensitive, and Always Prepared.
Number of underwear used in 4 days: 6
Number of socks used in 4 days: 5

Second Subject: Justin
Age: 8.11 years
Personality: Speedy, Careless, and cannot be bothered by small details.
Number of underwear used in 4 days: 2
Number of socks used in 4 days: unknown. there was only 1.5 pairs of socks found in the laundry basket

So you see once again there is so much to be learned from children even in dirty underwear.

Conversations in the Car

The following is a conversation between Rebekah, Brittany and myself tonight on our way to church. The sun was setting painting a beautiful picture in the sky above the mountains...
Rebekah "Mommy, I see my pink sky!!"
Mommy "Yes I see it too, isn't it so nice that God gave US that to look at?"
Brittany "Yup, He gave us ALL the pretty sky."
Rebekah "Nope, its mine, well all their girls-is, not the boys.'
Mommy "So God didn't give the boys the sky to look at?"
Rebekah "Nope, He gave the boys-is the blue sky, the pink one is for only all the girls-is."
Brittany "Wow, God gave the boys WAY more sky then He gave us..."
Well how do you argue with that logic? Answer: You don't, just nod and smile.

Interpreter Needed

Needed: A person to interpret my words into "boy".
Requirements: Interpreter must be female, and have the ability to speak "boy". Must know the difference between 'indoor play" and outdoor play" for example; indoor play does not include climbing on walls, three legged races, football playing, and throwing your brother off the top bunk as well as 'flying' off the top bunk.
Compensation: The knowledge that you have helped a mother keep her sanity and a good cup of coffee
For more information please see the crazy Mom who lives at the Bennett home.

ode to a patootie

I want to call my patootie,
I pick up the phone and dial a patootie,
Will my patootie answer?
Will she hear my voice?

I want to to talk to my patootie,
My patooties phone keeps ringing,
Where is my patootie?
Why is she ignoring me?

I want to talk to my patootie,
does she want to talk to me?
Mommy says Nope cause she is a Big Pot Deal!
Whatever that means...

Conversations With A Three Year Old...

The following is the conversation happened this morning between Rebekah and myself.
Rebekah comes into my room and says...
"Mommy I want to live with you"
"Okaaaaaaaaay"
She then crawls into bed with me and I then understand she meant lay with me.
"Mommy its SO VERY dark outside"
"Do you know why that is Rebekah"
"NOPE. Why Mommy why is it so VERY dark?"
"Because its still the time that big girls should be sleeping in their beds"
"oh, well I'm little and little girls get to sleep with Mommy."
"Nope. I don't see any little girls in here."
"Mommy."
"Yes Rebekah?"
"You ARE my best friend."
"Oh, you are my best friend too."
"So I can sleep with you?"
"nope."
"But I thought I was your best friend. I thought you were my best friend. I thought I was a big girl."
And again, not enough coffee in the world to have a conversation with Rebekah before 10am!!

milk run

So this morning after a great workout and time in my new fantastic study my lovely husband discovered that we had no milk. Now this phenomenon is not new to the Bennett house. We often discover we have no milk, (read: Then let them eat cake) but it is almost always in middle of the day and not at breakfast time. Today it was 7:15 when we discovered the absence of milk in our home. The children were just getting out of bed. Coby was heading to work and we had no cake to give them. So I told the four little chickens as they each came out of their rooms to get jackets and boots on. We went to the store (all chickens in Jammie's and I still not showered from my morning workout) and made a milk run at 7:23am. I think we might need to buy a cow.

Dishes...

The last time I counted I had 4 children and 1 husband. Now I am no math genius but my math says that makes 6. Six people in one house. So if my math is correct then something is wrong. You see, I counted up my dishes the other day before I washed them and these are the numbers I got.
14 glasses
10 plates
7 bowls
8 spoons
9 forks
7 knives
So by my calculations this is what we should be using in a single meal...
6 glasses
6 plates
6 bowls
6 spoons
6 forks
4 knives (Rebekah and Michael don't use knives)
Leaving us with...
8 glasses
4 plates
1 bowl
2 spoons
3 forks
3 knives
So again I am no math genius but something seems to be wrong here. How can we, a family of 6, after just one meal end up with 21 extra items dirty? Do dirty dishes breed? Do dirty dishes hide themselves and then reveal their whereabouts at the most inconvenient time? Or is it possible, just possible that my children are getting extra dishes out and not using the ones they have? By Jove I think that's it!!

ABQOPFN, KSRNTLMYC, WXZ, EUD, GHI and J

School with four chickens is interesting to say the least. I find myself wanting to pull my hair out some days and on others marveling that I have not yet buried one of my lovely chickens in the back 40. Wait, we don't have a back 40, maybe that's why it hasn't happened yet.
At any rate, whatever the reason is, I still have four chickens and no back 40. Today in school we started with our normal Pledge of Allegiance to Mommy, wait, um, America. Then we transitioned into our neat little lessons all happy and excited. Rebekah started off with her right and left hands, you see she is still slightly confused about if she is right or left handed, so I being the lovely up lifting carer of chickens that I am try to let her figure it out for herself, she can write fine with either so every morning this is what happens...
"Rebekah, take a pencil out and..."
"I will use my pink prenzel"
"OK, you use your pink one"
"I will use this prenzel and this hand"
"OK Rebekah, that's fine."
"OH MOMMY!!" (followed with laughter)
"What Rebekah"
"I am silly, I need to use my green prenzel and THIS hand"
"Oh how silly, please do your work."
and this exchange goes on for a few more minutes until she has just the right "prenzel" and hand.
Michael is still trying to figure out why he has to do school work EVERYDAY and why oh why do Brittany, Justin and Rebekah get to do "funn-er" everything and he has to read. This is just some of the exchanges that happen between him and I...
"Michael, I need you to get your pencil out and..."
"K, do I need my pencil or crayons?"
"Your pencil"
and as he is distracted and clearly thinking more about the other chickens and all the way more fun things they are doing we spend a good deal of time discussing just what tool is needed for his work.
Justin knows everything about everything and knows that the world is wrong and he is right so I just let him teach himself...yeah right. This is what Justin and my conversations look like...
"Mommy, I know"
"You know?"
"Yup, I know, can I just do my work?"
"OK, just humor me and listen, I like to hear myself talk."
"What?"
"Just humor me, I like the sound of my voice."
"Mom, you are crazy."
"You know whats crazy?"
"What?"
"That we are having this conversation for the bagillionth time."
"bagillionth?"
"Yes. Please listen to my instructions and then you can decide if you want to do it the way I said or the way you want to. Okay?"
"k"
And last but not least this is the interaction between Brittany and myself...
"Mommy, if it wants to know what the fraction is and 7 of the 10 squares are shaded the the fraction would be 7/7 right?"
"Brittany listen to your question..."
"If 7 of the 10 are shaded..."
"Say it again"
"7 of the 10..."
"Almost there"
"OHHHHHH, 7/10. HA HA!!!"
Ok, so to recap:
1. I still have four chickens
2. I am still homeschooling four chickens.
3. My sanity is still in the lost and found somewhere, I just don't know where the lost and found is...

Coloring 101

I have been trying to spend more one on one time with Rebekah, thinking it might help her feel a little more important. I misjudged the time allotment, and the outcome has been catastrophic. She now "KNOWS" she is the queen of Sheba and no longer feels like we are her royal subjects, but KNOWS we are there to serve her and if we do not act quickly she will execute her punishment immediately.
On Thursday I could tell she was feeling a little left out so I made the mistake of asking her if she wanted to watch a movie and snuggle on my bed just her and I. She now feels like she gets a movie EVERYDAY and informed me this morning "Mommy, we DID NOT watch my movie yesterday" followed with "Mommy, you NEED to watch a movie with me TODAY!"
On Saturday she wanted to color with me. I told her I would but I needed to make dinner too, so there would be times I needed to get up to do things in the kitchen. She informed me that it would be ok as long as I came right back and continued to color with her. I thought to myself, this is a good thing I can bring out super power #2 and get this done. Boy was I wrong. You see I did not realise that I was coloring with an art critic as well as a queen. This is just some of what I heard over the next few minutes...
"Mommy you not doing that right"
"No Mommy use this color"
~Sigh~ "Mommy, you need to color nicer"
"Um, you are not done Mommy"
"Mommy do it nice, like this"
and when I went to get up to check on dinner I received a "mommy look" and...
"Mommy, you are not done"
"Mommy, you cant leave it like this"
"Mommy, you said you were gonna color with me"
"Mommy, I thought you were going to color"
"Mommy, you need to color with me"
"Mommy, we are NOT done yet"
I did come back and color after a quick reprimand. (for her from me NOT the other way around) But alas my coloring did not measure up to her criteria and her picture is on the fridge not mine. Sad day when my art cant make it onto the fridge...

The WORST sound in the world

So I just heard the worst sound in the world. Its one I hear everyday and it makes me sick.
No its not a screaming child.
No not a crying animal.
Nope not finger nails on a chalkboard.
It is the most terrifying sound known to man. The thought of it makes me want to hide in my bedroom and pull the bed covers over my head.
No its not an explosion.
No not fighting.
Nope not even the sound of a broken bone.
I can feel it coming, I dread its happening. Its a short low beep. When it happens I know my coffee will be cold in the next 20 minutes. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just keep swimming...

We are spending a few days in Belgrade MT, its about 10 miles from Bozeman, for some church convention meetings. While Coby is in meetings all day I have been taking the kids to great far off places such as museums, pools, and Target. In these three days of adventure we have been exploring the world we call "The City" we have seen Dinosaurs, and talked about how silly it was that the person who made the signs messed up and said "Billions of years ago". We ventured to the world of Target, and were reminded how nice it is to not be in "City Stores" around halloween. We watched a star show at the planetarium and giggled to ourselves as they said that the earth took billions of years to create and left when Justin looked at me and said "We were NEVER bugs?!?!" as a single celled organism flashed on the screen...I am still trying to figure out why in a star show that is 30 minutes long they spend at least 15 minutes talking about the "big bang" and "evolution". (We left when the "bug" thing happened and did not stay to see their "take" on Gods creation of our amazing solar system) We enjoyed fine dinning that did NOT include McDonald's, Pizza Hut, DQ, or Subway. I really enjoyed the WWII memorial that we walked through and being able to explain to Brittany and Justin just what was going on in the pictures, so many wide eyed questioning moments there. We enjoyed swimming in the pool (or 'lake' as our friends 2 year old calls it) Rebekah wanted to "paddle on the water" in the canoe that was in the lobby, it was just her size. When swimming Rebekah nearly drowned 19 times, after each time I would say "yup you scared me too" to that she would reply "nope I not scared. I'm swimming." Michael quickly overcame his fear of the water and tonight was even jumping off the ledge by himself into 3 feet of water without me standing there. Rebekah on the other hand was jumping in when I had my back turned and nearly drowned 19 times and was mad when I took her out. Any ideas on giving her a healthy fear of water? I am game for any!! We have had so much fun in the "true" City. I am no longer letting my kids call Kalispell a city, we have new standards for a city and they are as follows...
1. Has an Old Navy
2. Has more than 10 "big chain" restaurant's
3. It takes more then 5 minutes to walk from one end of the mall to the other.
4. Have a museum that talks about "crazy evolution stuff" as Brittany would say.
So these are the requirements for a city. If you are not sure if you live in a city just look back and measure up to this scale, it really is very accurate.

October

It is the first of October. Fall is here. COLD IS HERE!!! Brittany awoke this morning and proclaimed "Its October First! Its MY Birthday Month!!" So, a grand tradition is being passed down from memaw to mother to granddaughter. My concern with this comes in when thinking of my youngest. You see out of ALL my children Brittany is the one I have to worry least about something going to her head. Rebekah is the one I worry most about. After Brittany's proclamation Rebekah promptly said "Brittany, then its MINE!" Brittany being the sweet sister she is nicely said, "well Bekah, its Justin's, then Jesus', then yours. Its REALLY close." to that Rebekah said "HUMPH!! Brittany, Its mine. Jesus said it could be mine first." Riiiiight Bekah, I forgot you and Jesus were tight.

Stay Calm

I had a nightmare last night. I dreamt that I had a child that was just like me. In this dream she was 9 years old. I dreamt that I went into her bedchamber to awaken her and she threw a stuffed animal at me. Later when I asked her to get a shower it was met with disdain and when she finally took one it was an hour long. When her little sister was playing in their shared bedroom she whined "Don't play with MY stuffffffff". She looked at me when I asked her to stop reading and go play outside and said "you are so mean." with a flip of her hair. When running up some stairs she fell UP them, and she would randomly fall when just walking from point A to point B. I kept waiting to wake up from this nightmare, I kept fighting to open my eyes, I just needed to get back to reality...when I opened my eyes I realized it was not a dream, I was living in this nightmare!!
So what to do when faced with the very real fact that you have a child who is JUST like me? Well the following is a guide I put together if any of you may find yourself in this very real very scary situation.
1. STAY CALM-This is the most important rule. Children like her feed off of craziness.
2. Remember to breath-If you stop breathing you stop living and if you stop living someone else will have to care for this child through adolescence and you really don't want to do that to anyone.
3. Don't make any sudden movements-Her emotions are fragile and unpredictable, try giving her a play by play as you move about the room.
4. Count your blessing-she can and will at times suck the fun/joy out of any situation, try to remain positive.
5. Eliminate the words "Hate & Never" from your vocabulary-hopefully she will not use these as much if she is not hearing them everyday.
6. Roll with it-when she is on a mountain be on a mountain with her when she is in the depths of despair run FAST!
7. Choose your words wisely-Words such as "what, can, and pickles" can throw her off course, try not to use them.
8. Never, Never, under any circumstances say to her "What are/where you thinking"-she is not thinking, that is the biggest problem here, remember that, ALWAYS!
I hope this helps you, and I will try to heed number 2 so as you will not have to experience this first hand...except for the five of you who lived with me from the years of 7-21, I am sorry. You will NEVER get those years back, never.

Super Hero Study

So today I had yet another moment where I was wondering where the heck my PHD is. It came when I saw Michael and Rebekah come out of Rebekah's room dressed as super hero's. This is much like the "play dough study" and "anesthesia and me" if you have not had a chance to read those two studies you need to, they are full of so much insight into the mind of a child. Any how, back to the Super Hero Study done today...

Name: Michael

Age: 5

Personality: Always prepared, wants to please, needs his own space, and cute.

Super Hero Name: Super Pirate Water Guy

Super Powers: He can fly, find buried treasure, and always has water...to put out fires.

Marital Status: Single

Name: Rebekah

Age: 3

Personality: Queen of Sheba, ALL girl, wants to run faster, climb higher, jump farther and pretty much just out "do" anyone.

Super Hero Name: Princess Builder Pretty Girl

Super Powers: I was unable to get a full description from Princess Builder Pretty Girl as to the extent of her powers as she kept telling Super Pirate Water Guy that "After this you will mawry me". This is what I could piece together: The ability to fly, Jump, Stand on one foot, "mawry" Michael, and build stuff, oh and she is pretty.

Marital Status: Seems a bit on the "pushy" side and may be forcing little boys to "mawry" her.

Yes I can only imagine what my eldest children's super hero names would be...probably something like "Book Girl" and "Weird Boy". They tell me my PHD is in the mail, I think the post office may be holding it hostage but that is a topic of another blog...

Whove, Twue Whove...

So the other day as I was finishing up school with the two oldest children I see Rebekah come out of her room with her red "sparkly" dress on a hat and a little purse. Thinking she was on her way out to dinner, church, or even just to go shopping I asked "whatcha doing Bekah?" "I'm gonna mawry Michael." I giggle to myself as I see Michael run into his room and close the door. This is the following exchange I hear from his room:
Rebekah knocking on the door...
"Michael, come mawry me"
"Bekah, I am playing cars"
"But Micheal, I need you to mawry me"
"Bekah, I want to play with cars"
(Rebekah states a little more impatiently)
"Michael, you need to come mawry me."
(No answer from Michael)
"Michael, please come mawry me."
(a sigh from in his room, then he opens the door)
"Rebekah, I just want to play cars, I don't want to marry you"
(sad lip pout from Rebekah)
"Michael, why don't you want to mawry me?"
"Bekah, come play cars with me."
"and then you will mawry me?"
(no answer from Michael, but they play happily for a few minutes, then I hear...)
"Michael. Michael. Michael, it IS time to mawry me now"
(Michael comes out of his room and starts walking around the house Rebekah trails him saying...)
"Michael. MICHAEL. MICHAEL, you need to mawry me now. Michael, come mawry me"
(pretty soon Michael comes and hides behind my chair. Rebekah comes to me a few minutes later and says to me...)
"Mommy, wheres Michael?"
"Why?"
"cause he needs to mawry me and I cant find him"
(she finds him under the chair and says in a very mommy type voice...)
"Michael, you need to mawry me, its time."
"OK, Bekah, but then we go play cars k?"
So a few minutes later I hear Justin preforming the ceremony saying...
"Do you want to marry him? Do you want to marry her? k your married, lets go play cars."
and then a small voice coming from the school room says...
"Mawage, mawage is what bwings us togever today..."
Thank you Brittany.

Good Day

Today was a good day. A day free of tantrums, well except for that one. A day free of fights, well except for the three this morning. A day free of meltdowns, well except for that one time this afternoon. A day free of messes, except for the spilled milk all over my kitchen and the mud tracked in on my clean floor. A day free of sleepiness, well except for needing a nap at 10am but that's normal right?
Ah, yes a good day. I knew it would be when Rebekah came out of her room with "uMMerware" on voluntarily. Yes any day that starts with underwear on Rebekah's bottom is a good day indeed. I should have just gone to bed then. Full of pride and admiration at the fact that my 3 and half year old put underwear on by herself without being told. Good day. Good day. I mean can you get better then that? Can a day be more fulfilling? Can you top an underwear success? The answer my friends is...
A BIG FAT NO!!!
That my friends is as good as it gets. You cant top that. It is the pinnacle of success, the highlight of my day, no my week. no, no, its the highlight of the year!! Underwear success. You just cant top that.

Parks, People and Pee

So today started much like any other day. The alarm goes off and in a dreamy state I roll over and hit Coby to get him to turn it off...no Coby...where is Coby and WHY did he NOT turn off his alarm? A few minutes pass and I realize that the incessant buzzing is not going to stop unless I get myself out of my nice warm "cocoon" and turn it off myself!! "where is HE!!" "Why is he doing this to me?" as I emerge from the warm confines of my cocoon I hit his alarm clock...nothing happens. I open my eyes to see there are no lights on and his alarm is not the source of the noise, mine is. AHHHHHHH it cant be time to get up already!!! So noisy alarm mystery and missing husband mystery solved at the same time...I am a genius.
The next task at hand is to wake four lovely chickens from their slumber. (I hope I remember their names...) As I open the 'girl chickens' door I see my youngest chicken perched on her bed and she says to me "why are you here? I thought it was time to sleep?" I say "then why are you up?" "cause I thought it wasn't time to get up" ...Whatever Bekah I haven't had enough coffee to deal with your logic yet. I move on to chicken number 2, she is slightly more reluctant to rise and throws her stuffed bear at me. "Brittany get you stuff for a shower we gotta get going." She rises from her royal bedding and glares at me and says "but I PROMISED myself that I would sleep till 9" I laugh and tell her "in your dreams, we gotta get going I have meetings to get to you need to get in and out of the shower...QUICK!" I move onto the 'boy chickens' room. They both pop out of bed and are dressed and have their beds made before I can even leave the room. I then go back to the 'girl chickens' room and find Rebekah dressed and Brittany STILL picking out her clothes!! "Brittany, you have 15 minutes to be showered and dressed! I am getting your cereal and then getting in the shower." So I move into the kitchen get my fast moving chickens their cereal and then head to the shower. After getting myself ready I then discover that my oldest slow moving chicken is STILL in the shower!! AHHHHH I realise I only have 15 minutes to drop off the chickens and get to my meeting across town and I STILL have not had coffee!!! I tell Rebekah to tell her sister to hurry up and I go start the car. We finally get out of the house and drop the chickens off at grandma chickens house and I leave for FOUR thrilling hours of reviewing foster care placements and making recommendations. Non-stop action for the next four hours.
Next I pick up the chickens and we head home for our art and math for the day. 1 hour later Chicken number 3's grandma comes to get him for his visit. I finish up math with chickens 1 and 2 and then head back to town to drop off chicken number 4 with her grandma and grandpa. Then chickens 1 and 2 and I go to DQ and get a much needed treat and then go pick up chicken number 4.
It was not time to pick up chicken number 3 yet so I thought I would let my chickens be "free range" for a few minutes and took them to the park. I took this few minutes of free time to call my Mom. As I am talking on the phone I see my 4th chicken pull her pants down in middle of the park. I say "I have to call you back" and run to my littlest chicken. Before I can get to her she has squatted, done her thing and pulled her pants back up. I look around to see if anyone saw and then look at her and say "Why did you do that? We don't go potty at the park!" she looks at me all sad and says "cause I had to go potty. cause I thought I could go potty" I stifle a laugh and say "Bekah we don't go potty in the park, you are done playing today" I pick her up marveling at the fact that she managed to do this without making a mess of her pants and being mortified that this is my chicken and there IS another family here and MY DAUGHTER JUST PEED AT THE PARK!!!
And my day just got better and better...

tHe enD oF saNitY As wE kNoW iT

Yup, I have officially lost it. My sanity. Gone. Poof. Off into oblivion. I know some of you might be thinking that I lost it a LONG time ago, but I did have some left in the deep caverns of my mind. Its all gone now. Lost forever. Never to return. It happened at approximately 9:38am. I first noticed it when I was trying to explain something to Rebekah in school and Brittany asked me a question and I replied to her with "Just a minute Rebekah." then Micheal asked me something and I said "Just a minute" 10 minutes later I am looking around the table and jump up, I forgot to answer his question!! That is how the morning went. Out first day of school. Coby asked me if I wanted to go to work for him this morning, then quickly said "Wait, you start school today, I don't want to trade, you are crazy." Yes his prophetic words have come true. I am a crazy Mom homeschooling 4 children under the age of 9. and people wonder why I cant remember how many children I have and their names.

Danger Will Robinson, Danger!!

Is it bad that I send my children out to play on five lovely acres of woods full of adventure? You are more then likely saying... "Why no Bethany, you are a fantastic mother and you work so hard." so assuming that is what you said, (if it is not just simply go back and re-read that statement out loud.) I will present you with a few facts that may change your mind.



#1 Our property has road on all four sides but across that road it has thousands of acres of forestry land.

#2 We have been known to have bears, mountain lions, wolves, coyote's, and foxes on our land.

#3 The ONLY thing I have EVER worried about when sending the kids out side is the above mentioned #2



So today like many other days I told the three children that asked to play outside they could and pried a book from the grasp of the fourth and sent her outside kicking and screaming. They all came in saying that they wanted me to see the new fort they built. Now this fort was two trees a few boards nailed together, a ladder, and a few tree branches. I am sure the engineer of this project was my eldest son. Very impressive their father and I said and then went on with other things. A few minutes later I hear "DON'T MOVE!!" and I think...hmmmmm could there be a certain animal from the #2 list above? Surly not a Wolf. Surly not a mountain lion. Maybe a bear? As I go to investigate I hear more "DON'T MOVE!!" and "STAY THERE!!" so I am a little concerned now.



As I arrive on seen I see the "fort" collapsed and Justin standing there trying to lift it up. No Michael. hmmmmm.



Upon further investigation I find that the "fort" collapsed onto Michael and he was stuck inside. ohhhh boys. So we get Michael out and Justin says..."I think I may need to re-work a few things." I answer in my head..."Ya think?"



So I ask again: "Is it bad that I let my children have adventures in our woods?" and I think I may add to the #3 spot of fears....Forts collapsing on children.

Thoughts on Chickens

So I call my children Chickens. It is VERY helpful when out in public, at a store, park, or just out and about. Nobody says "hey chickens" so when I say those words four little heads pop up and away we go. No shouting out four names. No getting confused as to who your children are. No having to remember your children's names. Just simply shout "alright chickens." or "hey chickens" or even "come on chickens" and they all come running. It really is a great tool, and my chickens er children respond every time, that is until last week.

I was getting ready to leave the house and not wanting to follow in the Anderson tradition of "3 minute warning" "2 minute warning" "1 minute warning" 30 second Warning" I shouted out "come on chickens" and 1, then 2, then 3 chickens er I mean children came running. I waited, and waited, and then shouted "Rebekah Grace I need you to come right now" she then came around the corner and said to me. "Mommy. I thought I was a Rebekah. I thought I was NOT a chicken." So clearly my youngest chicken is slightly confused.

Held for Ransom

This notice is to inform you we have in our possession your Bible.

We are asking only a few things from you.

If you cooperate we will return you Bible to you un-harmed.

These are our demands:

-You must visit your grandchildren 20 times a year.

-Take care of Papa so well that he cries.

-Talk to Mommy 20 minutes everyday.

-Ignore Aunt Heidi trying to talk to you.

-Send your grandkids 3 whole boxes of pears.

-Ride 8 miles on your bike.

-Finish one crossword puzzle everyday for a week.

These are our demands. We will be contacting you do discuss the location of the drop.

Sincerely,

Your Bibles Kidnappers

The End

The end is coming. I feel it in my bones. Like a sailor can feel the storm so I feel the end. Its like the erie calm before a tornado, the unsettling feeling you get when you smell a dead deer in you yard, (ask me later). Its coming and there is nothing I can do to stop it. My parents are leaving and my vacation is ending...

Gone are the days of waking up to tiny voices cuddling with larger voices on the couch. Gone are the days of laying in my PJ's when the kids are playing baseball with, drum roll......NOT ME! Gone are the days of VERY tired happy children crawling into bed. Gone, Gone, Gone.

I am asking myself if they mean to be so cruel. First they make Coby and I keep this "un-keepable" secret, then they come and surprise my children (yes they were surprised in spite of Coby and my slip ups) then they entertain my children for a week, and then they leave.

We have enjoyed having them visit. I have enjoyed my vacation. Now they are leaving and all I can say is....

I HOPE YOU ARE HAPPY HEIDI!!!!

The Parents Are Coming! The Parents Are Coming!

My parents are coming up to surprise my chickens for a week. I believe they have placed unnecessary stress on Coby and I to keep this secret. I think that next time they should tell the kids and not us. They are better at keeping secrets then Coby and I. These are some of the "slip-ups" and how we have "covered" ourselves over the past few weeks.
*Just a side note, I have only been the reason for one slip-up, and the "cover-er" of MANY of Coby's. Maybe because he is more excited then me? We shall see.

Slip Up #1
Stated in front of Brittany.
"When your parents get here they are not sleeping on this bed are they?"
"Don't you mean IF they come?"

Slip Up #2
Stated in front of Justin & Michael.
"Is this party today?"
"NOOOOOOOO"
"OH, That's right its when your folks are here."
"NOOOOOOOO, remember they cant come now."
"What?"
"Remember, they cant come because of Dads shoulder?"
"Oh, right"

Slip Up #3
Stated to Rebekah.
"Maybe when Memaw and Papa come they can bring us one"
"DON'T YOU MEAN IF!!!!!!"

Slip Up #4
Stated within ear shot of Rebekah & Brittany.
"So I was thinking when your parents are here we could go Huckleberry picking"
(Angry stare that could bore a hole in his head)
"I mean if there are any left...in November....(the hole is starting to take form)...when they might come...if your Dads shoulder is better...(a hole the size of a huckleberry)...then we could pick some...in November...if they come." (The hole is getting bigger)

Slip Up #5
Stated in passing all children within ear shot.
"So when your...(bigger hole forming)...sister called you....(nice save)

Slip Up #6
Stated to Michael in target when looking for bullets for his Nerf gun.
"Maybe we should have Memaw and Papa bring, I mean send some to us from their Target."

Yes much stress trying to keep this secret...they cant come soon enough!

Then Let Them Eat Cake...

So today, as I lay in bed, I was thinking to myself as I do most days...


"Self, what are you going to do today?"


I answered myself back with a mental list...


-Clean House

-Water Grass

-Wash Towels

-Clean my disaster of a kitchen

-Do laundry

-Clean Out Linen Closet

-P/U Kimi from Kindergarten Camp

-Return Items to Pamida

-Facebook

-Put Laundry Away

-Get Milk

-Figure Out What to do for Breakfast



The last one stumped me. You see we needed milk for cereal, (the only thing Rebekah EVER wants to eat) we needed milk for pancakes, (Justin's Fave) we needed milk for muffins, (my choice) we needed milk for just about anything and we had NO milk. So then I began to think through my day...



"Can I get the house cleaned in an hour and then get milk?" answer: No

"Can I make my children wait till 10 to eat?" answer: Everyone except Justin

"Can I make milk appear out of thin air?" answer: Shockingly No



You see my hands were tied. There was no choice. I had to. And I did. I went to the disaster of a kitchen and in front of my children with mouths wide open and eyes as big as saucers I cut four BIG slices of cake.



They looked at me.

They looked at the cake.

They looked back at me.

They looked back at the cake.

And then the reality that Mom had lost her mind set in. They had better eat it quick before she changes her mind!



So in 2.3 minutes a whole cake was polished off and I was cleaning my house. Good Times Had By All.

Camp Craziness

Brittany goes off to camp for the first time on Monday. This is what my days will look like for the next week...

7:30am- Rebekah wakes up and asks "Wheres my Brittany?"
7:32- I tell her "she is at camp"
7:33- "I want to go"
7:33.5-"Rebekah, you cant go, you have to stay with me."
7:34- "But I need my Brittany"
7:34.5- "Rebekah you can play with Mommy, Michael and Justin."
7:35-"I neeeeeeeeeeeeeed my Brittany."
7:36-(I cant describe on the Internet the interactions from 7:36-7:37)
7:37-Rebekah is on her bed
7:38-Justin wakes up
7:40-Michael wakes up
7:45-Rebekah can join the family again
8:00-Eat Breakfast
8:03-Justin says something like "When Brittany gets home..."
8:03.5-"I NEED MY BRITTANY"
8:06-Rebekah has more "refocus" time (HA what a crock)
and so on and so forth...
Fast forward to:
7:30pm-"Rebekah you need to get your jammies for a bath."
7:31-"and my Brittany?"
7:31- I cringe as I say "no she is at camp."
7:33-you guessed it more "refocus" time. HA
8:01-Pray with Rebekah..."Dear God, thank you for my day and my fambly, and my Brittanys not at camp cause I NEED her. Amen"
8:02-"Rebekah, she will be home soon, she loves you but she needs to be at camp right now"
8:03-"but I NEED HER!"
8:04-"ok Rebekah, I love you good night."
8:10- crying from the girls room...sniff...sob..."Daddy, Mommys not letting my have my Brittany."

Oh yes, cant wait for camp to start.

Lost in Translation

I just thought for those of you whose lives are painfully dull I would share one of my recant conversations in the car. It went a little something like this:

Mommy to Daddy: “You should have me cut your hair tonight.”
Daddy to Mommy: “I think I should too.”
Justin to Mommy: “Mommy, I think you should keep it long cause I can't recognize you with short hair.”
Brittany to Justin: “Mommy looks nice with any hair.”
Rebekah to Mommy: “Mommy I think you should have a mohawk.”

So in a matter of a minute we went from cutting Coby’s hair to me getting a mohawk.

Yup that’s my life.

"Check, Check, Check"

We live on top of a rather large hill. For those of you who have not visited (you know who you are) you may ask my parents and Minda they love me, um, I mean they have visited. Almost weekly the kids have asked me to take a walk into town, now this “walk” they want to take can be over five miles and at the end of that you have this huge hill you must climb, so I being the fun-sucking mother that I am have not attempted to do this until last week. What can I say, they wore me down.

On Friday morning I decided enough was enough and they were going to get their walk even if it killed them. So we filled water bottles, got the stroller out, gathered library books to return, and put the shades on, armed with a list of stops, yes that’s right I even have to do lists for my walks, (deal with it) we set out. As we turned out of our drive way I noticed that the back tires of the stroller were low, praying that it was a hole and I might get out of this “walk” we added “Stop at the shop and air up the tires” to our list. Yes, I even add things to my walking to do list just so I can cross them off, again, just deal. So when we got to the shop I put air in the tires and prayed…God answered my prayer with a big fat NO! So we set off again. (Check off “stop at shop”)

As we went down the street we took down a list, yes yet another list, deal. This list was of the creatures we would see. We saw 2 caterpillar's crossing the street; we made up a joke about “why the caterpillar crossed the road” and so on. We saw lots of mommy birds getting food for their babies, and I added “get lunch” to my to do list. The highlight was when a freighted baby fawn tried to run across the road just 10 feet in front of us, the fawn was so tiny it was still having a hard time walking. Then we approached the “hill”. (Check off "find furry creatures")

As we started down the boys were saying things like “this isn’t so bad” and “see I can run on the hill Mom”. I being the encourager that I am said “just wait” and added "you little brats" in my head. You see I still was a little upset that Gods answer to my prayer was a “NO”. As we approached town the kids were still excited about the walk and the fun to come. Our second thing on the “to do list” was visit a new park that our city just put in. It was great fun and in the shade so we were very grateful for that.
(Check off “Visit fun new park”)

The next stop was Subway where we got two subs and 6 cookies for $13. (Check off “get lunch”) The next stop was the library. We are quite blessed to have a great library here in Libby, nice grassy area, picnic tables, trees and a great children’s room. So we picnicked in the grass and headed inside to the nice air conditioned children’s room. (Check off “return books to library”, “Eat Lunch”, AND “re-fill Water bottles” I LOVE three for one stops!)

Than it was off to Ace, Rosouers, and the Post Office for a little errand running. (Check off “mail”, “bread”, “tape” AND “re-re-fill water bottles”) As we were leaving the last of these stops the children started to think about the hill to come, and then there was a revolt to follow. Yup, it happened just where I thought it would, about a mile from home, just before we reached the hill. Brittany was the first, then Michael, then Justin, Rebekah said from the comfort of her stroller “come on guys! Mom, way are the guys sitting there?” Ahhh to be three and fit in a stroller. (Check off “three tired kids”)

When we arrived back home they ran when they saw our mail box, ran right up to the house and hugged it. Then they all said “Mommy it will be a VERY LONG time before we ask to do that again”. (Check off “never walk that hill again”) Thank You Lord for telling me NO!! (Check off “lesson learned”)

In a Super Market Far Far Away.....Pee Wars

Today was crazy busy with running around town, so busy in fact that I did not get to the grocery store until 7:30pm. Somthing I will NEVER do again. I dont know what it was about that time but there were rumblings to be heard in the galaxy.

Another time another place and the pesents behave beautifully, not so today. There was something dark at work. Somthing that can only be attributed to the "dark" side of libby.

You see we had a simple mission, to aquire a few rassons for the village. One would think it would be easy to asertain these items. But we were wrong. I miss judged the enemy.

Once inside the market place we were gathering our supplies and two of the young peasants said they needed to visit the "facilities". I urged them to come right back, and not to become distracted and most of all to remember the teachings of yo-momma.

As I was paying the clerk for our supplies the young peasants approached me sheepishly. I noted that they had some sort of "liquid" on their cloaks and an odd smell.

I asked if the evil emperor pee body was about. They hung their heads in shame and nodded yes. Then they go on to tell me that the emperor caught them off guard and they had to fight back the only way they knew how, and so my young peasants were caught up in the great pee war of rosouers.

They fought valiantly. They won the battle. But yo-momma is gonna win the war!

A List Of My Motherly Super Powers

The following is yet another compilation of study and ability. Yes, there will be more to come but for now without further Ado I present to you....

MY MOTHERLY SUPER POWERS:
1. Fun Sucking – the ability to “suck” the fun out of any situation I deem “inappropriate”.
2. Multi-tasking – the ability to know where everyone of my children are what they are saying, doing, and acting like, make a meal, talk on the phone, fold laundry, help with math problems, do the dishes, right a wrong, kiss an owie, check facebook, and write my Blog all within minutes of each other!
3. Physician – the ability to diagnose what is a true owie and what is just a cry for attention.
4. What-cha-ma-call-it – the ability to change the ordinary into the extraordinary.
5. Teacher- at first glance people may not think it a “true” super power, but all of us moms who have it beg to differ.
6. Sports Genius – I know you may be rolling on the floor Heidi when reading this but just take a look at the stance Brittany has in her softball pictures, one look and you will agree! HA!
7. Chef – the ability to change left over’s into an amazing cuisine.
8. Librarian – the ability to know where all our books are in the house and car and if anyone has seen our collection you know this is a super power. Ok maybe it is just a little OCD, but I needed an 8.
9. Fun Sucking – I know this is number 1 also but it is such a great super power I thought it deserved to be listed twice.
10. Toilet-roll-queen – this is an ability that takes everyday trash and in an effort to stay sane I make it into a craft.
11. Game Genius – or as my children like to call it – creator of dumb games. Either way I think you understand this is also done in an effort to keep my sanity.
12. Fixer-of-all-things- this is Justin’s favorite super power, it is the ability to take anything and fix it with thread, batteries, glue, tape or the ever powerful duct tape.
13. Is simply the ability to take hundreds of plastic strings and fluff them into round pom-poms. An ability that Brittany greatly appreciates.
14. Pharmaceuticals- the ability to have on hand literally hundreds of “feel good” medicines and being able to distribute them to the right child at the right time. This in an ability that comes in useful when you have more than one child sick and they are taking different medications at different times.
15. Comforter- this is my favorite, it is the ability to make everything better with just a kiss, hug, cuddles, or a soft word.
16. X-ray Vision- is the ability to see where an item is when your child has "looked really hard" for said item.
17. Mind Reading - the ability to know what your child wants when they simply say "mom where is that thing?" this comes in really handy when super power #2 is in use.
18. Cleaner- the ability to identify a stain and know just how to get it out and have it back in the drawer the next day.
19. Penny Pincher- the ability to take five dollars and stretch it into $20.
20. Is simply the ability to have dinner ready in 2.3 minutes when plans are changed at the last possible minute.
21. The ability to be cook, be dance coach, mommy, and show off some MAD skills while practicing a dance routine. =)...can be confused with #2
22. "four eyes" unlike it is used to put people with glasses down this is truly a super power that only a mom can have...eyes on the back of your head.
23. Psychologist: the ability to know what is "really" wrong.
24. The "big bag" super power is plainly the ability to have in your "ginormous" purse a snack bar, pharmacy, art supplies, hand sanitizer, lotion, band-ads, toys, a change of clothes, wet wipes, hair ties, comb, diapers, books, and anything else that might be needed by your children, husband, family or even a complete stranger all while looking "cute" and "trendy".
25. "Mom hair" this is simply a time saving ability, I think it speaks for itself.
26. Fun-maker....HA had you going there didn't I?!? This is the ability to bring loads of fun into your child life by simply making up a song, doing a dance, making funny faces, etc...
27. Fun Sucker....it just really has to be in here more. =)
28. Life lesson Coach...this super power is where the phrase "this is a teachable moment" came from.
29. The “everybody is a winner” super power is the simple fact that even though life is NOT fair you want it to be for your children. Rebekah likes this super power...any super power that allow her to yell "I win" in her sing song voice are high on her list. =)
30. OCD. This also speaks for itself.
31. Language Instructor- This is in use when my children use words such as "ain't, rad, pickles" in the wrong context.
32. Religious Instructor- This super power comes in handy when your children think that "cows are holy" and so on.

I could go on and on, but I will stop here so as not to overwhelm you who do not possess such powers.

Wall-e

We have a new member in our family. He is a glorified rat, as Coby would say. He is Wall-e the hamster and we are hamster “sitting”. This is an interesting thing this, “sitting” of a hamster that my children are doing. He lives on the table in the school room. There he spends his days and nights. Within the first hour of bringing Wall-e to our house Brittany had me looking up the cost of hamsters and cages. Rebekah wanted to “fly” Wall-e around the house. Michael wanted to feed him more food because he looked hungry. And Justin just wanted to see if Bernard our cat would like a new “playmate”. (Yes slightly morbid I know) So they were all filled with excitement of the weeks to come, dreams of this fuzzy little lovable….rat…playing with them, they each even assigned jobs to each other for the care of Wall-e. Yes I had a moment where I really thought this was a good thing and maybe I should let my children get another pet, they seemed SO grown up, SO responsible. Then reality set in.

Today, two weeks after Wall-e joined our family, I am doing a mental tally.
Last Time the kids fed Wall-e………1 week ago
Last time the kids gave Wall-e water…….6 days ago
Last time the kids asked to play with Wall-e…….7 days ago
Last time one of the kids looked at Wall-e……5 days ago
Last time I heard Wall-e’s name mentioned…..5 days ago
Last time the kids wanted to put him in his ball…..1 week ago
Last time Rebekah wanted to “fly” Wall-e….4 days ago
Last time they offerd to clean his cage....13 days ago
Last time they sang to Wall-e…..well, um, never but you get the idea.

And so, in the grand tradition of “funsucker-dom” I am forced to not even get my children a rat, err, hamster. Yes, there are joys in the fun sucking world, but this one I do not take sick pleasure in like I have before. Anyhow, Wall-e is calling. I need to run. Maybe I will let him have a playmate….

Play Dough Study

I woke up this morning to a raining day, so I decided to try something really crazy….make homemade play dough for the first time ever! I know, I live life on the wild side, maybe one day I will calm down but hey, you are only young once right? Much like the “Anesthesia Study” I now believe you can predict the outcome of even play dough making with children. I know you are thinking that I really do have so much untapped knowledge just waiting to be, um….tapped. Believe me this is just the tip of the iceberg. Anyhow here is the synopsis.

pLaY DouGh 101:
Subject #1: Rebekah Bennett
Information Available on Subject: 41 months of age. Curly hair. (That should have been a sign) Quick to act. Shows no sign of self control.
Synopsis: Almost burned hand not once but twice. Did not wait for the ingredients to be properly measured.
End Result: A lumpy, sticky, mess that has yet to “set up”. See Image Below.

Subject #2: Brittany Bennett
Information Available on Subject: 9.8 yrs of age. Precise. Pays attention to detail.
Synopsis: Re-Measured the ingredients when handed to her. Slowly poured each carefully measured amount into the pan. Carefully stirred paying attention to keeping the spoon on the bottom of pan. When pouring out the mixture the subject slowly carefully poured it into a perfect circle.
End Result: Smooth and ready to use. See Image Below.

Subject #3: Justin Bennett
Information Available on Subject: 8.7 yrs of age. Emits a desire to pay attention to the details. It is also evident that the subject can’t sit still.
Synopsis: At first there were careful movements but about 30 seconds later the subject appeared to be in a hurry. The subject attempted to slow down when reminded but clearly was distracted.
End Result: Slightly Smooth, Slightly Lumpy. See Image Below.

I am going to be copy writing these two studies, I know there are people out there who may what to plagiarize this amazing information.

WILL SOMEONE PLEASE JUST GIVE ME MY PHD ALREADY!?!?!

Weeds, Bikes & Septic Tanks

Yup, you read that right. That is my day in a nut shell. You may need a few more details so I will fill you in.

Today we spent time outside working in our yard or shall I say weed patch. The kids and I were challenged with the task of getting the yard aka “patch o weeds” ready to be “tilled” this afternoon. So with promises of DQ we sent about our task like the hard workers we are. We shoveled dirt, picked up rocks, drug tree branches, and moved chairs. And 10 minutes later we (by “we” I really mean the children and by the “children” I really mean Rebekah) gave up and was having to be brought back to the reality that if “we” didn’t work “we” didn’t get dairy queen. Well “we” did not like that very much and “we” gave me a very hard time for the next few minutes. So I had a little heart to heart with “we” and “we” decided that DQ was a good thing and that it would be a very bad thing if “we” did not get any and the other “we’s” did. Are you following? Good.

So about lunch time we went to dairy queen and got ourselves a tasty little treat. (“we” did get some by the way.) When we got home we all decided that we needed some play time and rode bikes on our newly paved road. It was thrilling.

Then it was time to start the tilling. So off the tracker went tilling away and as it pulled into our lovely patch of weeds I allowed myself to dream…I saw the new yard all full of grass with no room for weeds, I saw children playing in a land free of thistles. I saw lemonade being sipped on the deck, flowers growing in their nice little “beds”. I saw the BBQ hot and ready for the yummy burgers. I saw family and friends enjoying a nice summer day. I saw….CRUNCH! Then I woke up. The tracker had gone a whole 10 feet and caught on our lid to the septic tank. Yup, I could see all my lovely dreams being sucked down into the pit that smelled like….well NOT my new yard free or weeds!!!

So the next hour was spent trying to explain to the “we” that was mentioned above why “we” couldn't play by the “new hole” and why it was not a good idea to play “jump over the new hole” and why we were NOT going to keep the “new hole” for her to play with, even if it is her “new friend”. Doing all this “explaining” and trying to help get the tracker going again.

But now as I am writing this the children are all tucked safely in bed away from the new hole that is Beckah's best friend, and I can hear my wonderful husband running the tracker around our patch of weeds working so hard to give me my dream of a land free of weeds…

Ratio of Sarcasm to Document

It has come to my attention that some people reading this blog ARE in fact taking me seriously and are not reading it with the proper inflection in their voice. I being the concerned author that I am will try to clear things up for those of you who may be struggling. The following is the “ratio of sarcasm to document” you should be using. I have broken the ratio down into five areas that may need clarification. Feel free to copy and paste this to your personal files so you have a point of reference when reading anything authored by me in the future.

Disclaimer: The following chart is an average and may need to be adjusted at times. The author Bethany Bennett does not accept responsibility for the misuse of said chart.

Reading: A Normal Letter from Me
Level of Sarcasm: 75%

Reading: An E-mail from me
Level of Sarcasm: 85%

Reading: My Blog
Level of Sarcasm: 100%

Reading: My Status on Face Book
Level of Sarcasm: 99%

Reading: All Other Documents
Level of Sarcasm: 90%

I hope this clears everything up, and you now can read anything I have penned with the proper amount of sarcasm. This is so very important to me, it really, really is.

Be Prepared…

It is our custom at the Bennett house to NOT joke and play at the table when we are eating. We believe that when you are eating you do not need to be putting your plate on your head, combing your hair with your dingle hopper (fork) or poking your sibling trying to make them spew food all over. I know harsh huh? But rules are rules no matter how absurd they may sound. If we are not eating with the kids the meal time is spent telling them to “stop and eat your food”. I did not realize how much I had said that until on Saturday the kids were eating lunch and Coby and I were working outside. A few minutes after I went outside to help Coby sure enough we hear Justin trying to get Michael to laugh and some dishes clanging, I pop my head in the door and say “Children finish this sentence for me ‘be quiet and …’” to that they all reply in unison “eat your food”. I say “thank you” and go back to working. Not more than a minute later we hear the scrapping of stools and some more dishes clanging so I shout “Stop and …” “eat your food” they say then I say “finish this sentence for me ‘eat your food and stop joking around or you can ALL go into your bedrooms and prepare your bottoms for…’” and they all look at each other and say in unison, “SPANKINGS”. I say “Thank you for your time and understanding on this matter I look forward to NOT spanking you all this afternoon.” They did finish their lunch. They did NOT get spankings….yet.

My baby Ty

Most of you know our great friends the Sandstroms are visiting us this week, they have 2 boys Drew (almost 2) and Ty (7 months). All our kids have had a great time with them as have Coby and I, they have each interacted in their own unique way; they are as follows:

Brittany to Drew & Ty:

Mothering, Dancing, Mothering, Singing, Mothering, Holding, Mothering, Entertaining, and yes even Mothering.

Justin to Drew:
Wrestling, Running, Swinging, Dancing, and any antic he can think of to make him laugh.

Justin to Ty:

Holding, Cuddling, and being VERY helpful with entertaining.

Michael to Drew:
Playing, Playing and Playing.

Michael to Ty:

"Why does he get to stay up later then us?" & "Why can't he talk?"

Rebekah to Drew:

Ignore, Annoyance, Selfishness, Hugging, and yes a little Mothering.

Rebekah to Ty:

"My Baby Ty" "I can share my baby Ty with Aunt Minda" "Why cant he walk"

Ah, yes it is entertaining to see how different personality's interact. ;)

CALL HER MOMMY!!

So today as we were driving to church the kids and I were talking and Michael asked me a question and called me Bethany as he does (we try to let the kids we have in our home decide what they call us and we don’t force “titles’ on them before they are ready) well after he asked me the question I hear Rebekah ever so softly from behind me say: “Michael, call her mommy…Michael, call her Mommy….MICHAEL, call her MOMMY…..MICHAEL CALL HER MOMMY!!! MOMMY, Michael not calling you Mommy!!!” I then say to her, “Rebekah Michael can call me mommy if he wants to and he can call me Bethany if he wants to but the choice is his, not yours.” She then says “Bethany, Michael won’t call you mommy.” Yup, clear as mud.

It is the ruling of this court and Judge Princess Aurora…

So in case some of you did not know, adoption is a pretty BIG subject at our house. No hidden agenda just is. I guess I did not realize HOW big of a deal it was in our home until the other day Justin came into the kitchen holding one of our many animal magnets and telling me “Mom, we need a judge.” I asked why, (hoping beyond all hope that the animals had not committed some horrific crime) he responded, “cause this raccoon needs to get adopted, and we NEED a judge for that MOM!” oh it’s all clear to me now, so minutes later I am making dinner and I hear the sounds of all four children coming to the “judge” (Rebekah's Princess Aurora Polly Pocket) and getting adopted. There were names ranging from “raccoon Bennett” to “Bennett Bennett” and even “Alex the lion Bennett” on that one day we added 6 new members to our family, all of whom sleep on the fridge. (Is that a bad place to keep “children”?) I think it may be time to build our addition…

Bloody Lips, Freeze Pops, & Bikes

So today the kids were playing outside before lunch, Justin and Michael came in because Michael had a bloody lip. (from what I dare not ask) So I do what I always do for bloody lips, and give him a freeze pop and tell him to suck on it. Justin then asks me if he can have a freeze pop. Now, we have a rule in our house -no sweets before lunch- so I look at him and without thinking I say “you come in here with a bloody lip and you can have a freeze pop” he says “thanks mom” and runs off. As I hear the door close I think to myself: Did I REALLY just say that to my son? But I go back to taking care of the Michael and the bloody lip. A few minutes later Brittany comes in and finds me; she says “um, Mom, Justin is riding his bike into trees. He says he is trying to get a bloody lip.” I look at her to see if she thinks this “tall tale” she is telling me is true and the look she has tells me I need to investigate further. As I open the door I see Justin with a HUGE grin on his face ram his bike into a tree. He gets up and just smiles at me. I take a few moments to compose myself and tell him “Let me put it this way, IF you get a fat, bloody lip, there will be NO sympathy, there will be NO freeze pop, AND there will be NO bike for a week.” And then I calmly close the door and peek out the window to see him looking from his bike to the tree and back to his bike again, I imagine he was trying to figure out how to get a bloody lip and still keep his bike. Yup, that’s my son.

God, Adam & What’s His Face:

Brittany and Justin are in the same class on Wednesday nights at church and we get many different versions of what their lessons are on. This Wednesday we did not have to ask them however because their teacher came to us to share this humorous antidote…

It seems that they started in Genesis chapter 1 that night and they read the verse “Let us make man in our image” The teacher asked the kids who the “us” was. Who was God talking to? Well, Brittany being the knowledgeable nine year old she is blurts out, “Well, It CAN’T be Jesus, He wasn't born till Luke!” Then Justin pipes in and says “Yup, it was Adam.” His teacher tells him kindly that Adam has not been created yet, and Justin replies “Nope, its Adam” Poor Miss Candy read out of the bible that Adam was created later and Justin STILL said she was wrong!!

So we shall read it the way my children think it is:

God looks at Adam and what’s His Face and says: “Let us make man in our own image” and that my friend is how Genesis 1 is supposed to read.

Anesthesia and Me

So today I had the common privilege (common to me) of seeing one of my children go through the “anesthesia metamorphosis”. It is a great experience; one I have come to realize is unique to every child and oddly enough reflects their own “unique” personality. I shall explain:

You see I have in my 5 years of mommy-hood gone through this “metamorphosis” with my children 4 times, yes you read that right, FOUR! I have seen different sides of the “anesthesia metamorphosis” with each child and now with just going through this with Rebekah I truly believe a person can predict the outcome with a child by simply evaluating their (the child's) everyday behavior. The following is an over view of my study with each child.

Name: Brittany
Current Age: 9
Age(s) at time of study: 5
Personality: Quiet, Pleasant, easy going, a “Miss Priss”, and VERY dramatic (no idea who that’s from).
Synopsis of experience(s): We get the call she is out of the OR and the surgery went well, she is starting to wake up. So we file into ICU and peek at her. This is what we see: a “gown” and blankets draped upon the royal bed and in the midst of these “royal” garments we see pale, fragile, weak little Brittany and as she starts to awaken her eyes flutter once, then twice, and yes, yes even thrice, and then she smiles ever so slightly and asks in a low and weak voice for a drink, “yes we shall get it for you is there anything else” the royal nurse subjects ask….”some flowers would be nice” she says with a voice so faint you have to hold your head just right to hear. And that is how we spend the next two days. No drama there.

Name: Justin
Current Age: 8
Age(s) at time of study: 5 & 6
Personality: Goes from sun up till I tie him to his bed at night, loud, Fun loving, and energy like you will never believe.
Synopsis of experience(s): The first time with Justin we get the call that the surgery just ended and we can come back to the recovery room. 10 minutes later, no joke, 10 minutes later we walk back and he is standing beside his bed and the nurses are laughing as he has just told them a joke!! 10 minutes!!! Later we find out the anesthesiologist had to more than double the dose he gives a child of his size!

The second time I was with him when the anesthesiologist started to “do his thing” he asked me what was Justin’s last experience was like, I told him he has a very high pain tolerance and he had to be given WAY more drugs than normal, he scoffed and 4 hours later apologized and said he has NEVER seen it take that long for a child to react! And once again by the time we got to recovery he was sitting up in bed hamming it up with the nurses.

Name: Rebekah
Current Age: 3
Age(s) at time of study: 3
Personality: The queen of Sheba, her way or the highway, Takes her own sweet time, dramatic (NO idea where that comes from!), and a hypochondriac.
Synopsis of experience(s): We get the call that the procedure went well and that we can go back, she is laying in bed like she has a hangover, and is drifting in and out. About 20 minutes later she says “I need you Mommy” so I pick her up and hold her as she continues to “come out of it”. About 30 minutes later she starts screaming and throwing up, this continues for the next 2 hours!! And then like flipping a switch she is fine, ready to go home and move on with life. We do however still experience whines and "clingingness" through out the day.


Yes the “anesthesia metamorphosis” is an incredible thing. I am pretty sure I could just put MD at the end of my name. Yup, this is THE Bethany J. Bennett - MD. Gotta go my editor is calling...

The Evolution of the "To Do List"

I don’t know about some of you but “To Do” lists are the glue that holds me together. They are the Icing to my cake, the jelly to my pb&j, the gas in my tank, the toast to my jelly, and the green olives to my pizza. I feel that without them I would not know what to do. I wake up each day and start thinking about my list, I get excited as I am making it, excited to start crossing things off, and I even find myself putting the mundane things on my list just for the thrill of crossing it off! Yes, you may think me a little OCD, I think that of myself at times as do my husband and children. More so in the past few years than before you see my “To Do” lists have evolved in the past few years; this is the evolution of the “To Do” list…

Typical 2000 to Do List:
~ Go to bank
~Get Milk
~Mail Package

Typical 2004 to Do List:
~Sweep Kitchen Floor
~Take Kids to Play Date
~Get a Massage
~Pick up Package from Post office

Modern Day to Do List:
~Work Out (Time)
~Shower
~Make Bed
~Do Dishes
~Bank
~Groceries (list of them included)
~Post Office
~Sweep Floors ALL OF THEM
~Vacuum EVERY ROOM
~Take (child’s name) to Appt (what appt)
~Wash Laundry
~Put cloths in Dryer
~Fold Cloths
~Put cloths away
~Make Lunch (what I am making)
~ Make Dinner (what I am making)
~Do more dishes
~Put Dishes Away
~Clean off Table
~Face book (just kidding)
~Kids School work
~Plan out Meals For a week On.....you guessed it, another list! ;)
~Dust (what room)
~Call (person’s name)
~Call (another person’s name)
~Call (yet another person’s name)
~Make (such and such)
And so on and so forth….

Ah, yes, the evolution of the “To Do” list is a beautiful thing, sometimes, at times it just makes me feel like I am loosing my mind, hence why some of this is not just merely for the thrill I get when checking it off…it is so that I don’t forget to do it!!! Yes, “To Do” lists are the glue to my craft project, the yogurt to my smoothie, the orange in my O.J., the a in my DAY, and the tooth paste on my tooth brush. It is a beautiful thing! Just thought you should know. Join the ranks of the OCD and make your list today!

Underwear, Caffeine Trucks, and Baseball

I am new to this whole blogging thing and I thought to myself....you don't have enough things to fill your day. I mean its not like being a wife and mother of four, a teacher, a doctor, fitness instructor, a chauffeur, a cook, a referee, a cheerleader, a coach, a house keeper, a mail carrier, bill collector, banker, personal shopper, and a play toy take up that much time, right? So why not start blogging, I need filler in my day. And so here it is, our very own blog. (try to contain your excitement.)

Last Thursday was a day like many others, a day spent trying to convince Rebakah that she is NOT the queen of Sheba, a day spent telling Justin "yes, the answer book IS right and you ARE wrong", and letting Brittany's creative juices flow even though my kitchen pays the price.

One thing I have learned is that I need to find the humor in my day, it helps me stay sane and helps me be a little less of a "fun-sucker" for my kids. Some days it is easy and some day I have to work REALLY hard at finding that moment, last thurdsay it was from start to finish an easy day to find these moments.

It started with Rebekah getting dressed, I told her after breakfast it was time to go get dressed and off she went, 10 minutes later she comes out with a clean pair of jammie's on and no underwear. I told her "Rebekah, it is not bed time go put underwear on and then get dressed in clothes, not jammie's" so she goes off her shoulders slightly slumped with the depressing news she has to wear underwear. I know what a mean mom I am! She came out about 10 minutes later with a her bathing suit on and underwear on top and proudly proclaims to me "See Mommy I am wearing u(mm)erware!" As I stifle the laugh coming up I tell her "Yes I see that but u(ND)erwear needs to be under your clothes and not on top, please go try again." I then receive the lip treatment and the shoulders slumped and she says to me "but I like it this way Mom." she did go back and finally had underwear "under" her pants. Yes, it is a sad day in the royal highness's world when she is told to put underwear on her bottom, a conversation that we have almost daily.

The next moment came when we were driving to Brittany's baseball practice. I was in desperate need of some caffeine so I told the kids I was going to get some coffee on the way. When we came around the building to go though the drive through there was an oil truck filling the tank at the coffee shop. Justin sees this and turns to Michael and says "Oh, that must be the caffeine truck Michael." Yes the caffeine truck came and filled the caffeine so that their poor mom could get an energy boost.

So in short, Praise God for underwear & caffeine trucks! ;)