The following is yet another compilation of study and ability. Yes, there will be more to come but for now without further Ado I present to you....
MY MOTHERLY SUPER POWERS:
1. Fun Sucking – the ability to “suck” the fun out of any situation I deem “inappropriate”.
2. Multi-tasking – the ability to know where everyone of my children are what they are saying, doing, and acting like, make a meal, talk on the phone, fold laundry, help with math problems, do the dishes, right a wrong, kiss an owie, check facebook, and write my Blog all within minutes of each other!
3. Physician – the ability to diagnose what is a true owie and what is just a cry for attention.
4. What-cha-ma-call-it – the ability to change the ordinary into the extraordinary.
5. Teacher- at first glance people may not think it a “true” super power, but all of us moms who have it beg to differ.
6. Sports Genius – I know you may be rolling on the floor Heidi when reading this but just take a look at the stance Brittany has in her softball pictures, one look and you will agree! HA!
7. Chef – the ability to change left over’s into an amazing cuisine.
8. Librarian – the ability to know where all our books are in the house and car and if anyone has seen our collection you know this is a super power. Ok maybe it is just a little OCD, but I needed an 8.
9. Fun Sucking – I know this is number 1 also but it is such a great super power I thought it deserved to be listed twice.
10. Toilet-roll-queen – this is an ability that takes everyday trash and in an effort to stay sane I make it into a craft.
11. Game Genius – or as my children like to call it – creator of dumb games. Either way I think you understand this is also done in an effort to keep my sanity.
12. Fixer-of-all-things- this is Justin’s favorite super power, it is the ability to take anything and fix it with thread, batteries, glue, tape or the ever powerful duct tape.
13. Is simply the ability to take hundreds of plastic strings and fluff them into round pom-poms. An ability that Brittany greatly appreciates.
14. Pharmaceuticals- the ability to have on hand literally hundreds of “feel good” medicines and being able to distribute them to the right child at the right time. This in an ability that comes in useful when you have more than one child sick and they are taking different medications at different times.
15. Comforter- this is my favorite, it is the ability to make everything better with just a kiss, hug, cuddles, or a soft word.
16. X-ray Vision- is the ability to see where an item is when your child has "looked really hard" for said item.
17. Mind Reading - the ability to know what your child wants when they simply say "mom where is that thing?" this comes in really handy when super power #2 is in use.
18. Cleaner- the ability to identify a stain and know just how to get it out and have it back in the drawer the next day.
19. Penny Pincher- the ability to take five dollars and stretch it into $20.
20. Is simply the ability to have dinner ready in 2.3 minutes when plans are changed at the last possible minute.
21. The ability to be cook, be dance coach, mommy, and show off some MAD skills while practicing a dance routine. =)...can be confused with #2
22. "four eyes" unlike it is used to put people with glasses down this is truly a super power that only a mom can have...eyes on the back of your head.
23. Psychologist: the ability to know what is "really" wrong.
24. The "big bag" super power is plainly the ability to have in your "ginormous" purse a snack bar, pharmacy, art supplies, hand sanitizer, lotion, band-ads, toys, a change of clothes, wet wipes, hair ties, comb, diapers, books, and anything else that might be needed by your children, husband, family or even a complete stranger all while looking "cute" and "trendy".
25. "Mom hair" this is simply a time saving ability, I think it speaks for itself.
26. Fun-maker....HA had you going there didn't I?!? This is the ability to bring loads of fun into your child life by simply making up a song, doing a dance, making funny faces, etc...
27. Fun Sucker....it just really has to be in here more. =)
28. Life lesson Coach...this super power is where the phrase "this is a teachable moment" came from.
29. The “everybody is a winner” super power is the simple fact that even though life is NOT fair you want it to be for your children. Rebekah likes this super power...any super power that allow her to yell "I win" in her sing song voice are high on her list. =)
30. OCD. This also speaks for itself.
31. Language Instructor- This is in use when my children use words such as "ain't, rad, pickles" in the wrong context.
32. Religious Instructor- This super power comes in handy when your children think that "cows are holy" and so on.
I could go on and on, but I will stop here so as not to overwhelm you who do not possess such powers.
June 29, 2009
Wall-e
We have a new member in our family. He is a glorified rat, as Coby would say. He is Wall-e the hamster and we are hamster “sitting”. This is an interesting thing this, “sitting” of a hamster that my children are doing. He lives on the table in the school room. There he spends his days and nights. Within the first hour of bringing Wall-e to our house Brittany had me looking up the cost of hamsters and cages. Rebekah wanted to “fly” Wall-e around the house. Michael wanted to feed him more food because he looked hungry. And Justin just wanted to see if Bernard our cat would like a new “playmate”. (Yes slightly morbid I know) So they were all filled with excitement of the weeks to come, dreams of this fuzzy little lovable….rat…playing with them, they each even assigned jobs to each other for the care of Wall-e. Yes I had a moment where I really thought this was a good thing and maybe I should let my children get another pet, they seemed SO grown up, SO responsible. Then reality set in.
Today, two weeks after Wall-e joined our family, I am doing a mental tally.
Last Time the kids fed Wall-e………1 week ago
Last time the kids gave Wall-e water…….6 days ago
Last time the kids asked to play with Wall-e…….7 days ago
Last time one of the kids looked at Wall-e……5 days ago
Last time I heard Wall-e’s name mentioned…..5 days ago
Last time the kids wanted to put him in his ball…..1 week ago
Last time Rebekah wanted to “fly” Wall-e….4 days ago
Last time they offerd to clean his cage....13 days ago
Last time they sang to Wall-e…..well, um, never but you get the idea.
And so, in the grand tradition of “funsucker-dom” I am forced to not even get my children a rat, err, hamster. Yes, there are joys in the fun sucking world, but this one I do not take sick pleasure in like I have before. Anyhow, Wall-e is calling. I need to run. Maybe I will let him have a playmate….
Today, two weeks after Wall-e joined our family, I am doing a mental tally.
Last Time the kids fed Wall-e………1 week ago
Last time the kids gave Wall-e water…….6 days ago
Last time the kids asked to play with Wall-e…….7 days ago
Last time one of the kids looked at Wall-e……5 days ago
Last time I heard Wall-e’s name mentioned…..5 days ago
Last time the kids wanted to put him in his ball…..1 week ago
Last time Rebekah wanted to “fly” Wall-e….4 days ago
Last time they offerd to clean his cage....13 days ago
Last time they sang to Wall-e…..well, um, never but you get the idea.
And so, in the grand tradition of “funsucker-dom” I am forced to not even get my children a rat, err, hamster. Yes, there are joys in the fun sucking world, but this one I do not take sick pleasure in like I have before. Anyhow, Wall-e is calling. I need to run. Maybe I will let him have a playmate….
June 22, 2009
Play Dough Study
I woke up this morning to a raining day, so I decided to try something really crazy….make homemade play dough for the first time ever! I know, I live life on the wild side, maybe one day I will calm down but hey, you are only young once right? Much like the “Anesthesia Study” I now believe you can predict the outcome of even play dough making with children. I know you are thinking that I really do have so much untapped knowledge just waiting to be, um….tapped. Believe me this is just the tip of the iceberg. Anyhow here is the synopsis.
pLaY DouGh 101:
Subject #1: Rebekah Bennett
Information Available on Subject: 41 months of age. Curly hair. (That should have been a sign) Quick to act. Shows no sign of self control.
Synopsis: Almost burned hand not once but twice. Did not wait for the ingredients to be properly measured.
End Result: A lumpy, sticky, mess that has yet to “set up”. See Image Below.
pLaY DouGh 101:
Subject #1: Rebekah Bennett
Information Available on Subject: 41 months of age. Curly hair. (That should have been a sign) Quick to act. Shows no sign of self control.
Synopsis: Almost burned hand not once but twice. Did not wait for the ingredients to be properly measured.
End Result: A lumpy, sticky, mess that has yet to “set up”. See Image Below.
Subject #2: Brittany Bennett
Information Available on Subject: 9.8 yrs of age. Precise. Pays attention to detail.
Synopsis: Re-Measured the ingredients when handed to her. Slowly poured each carefully measured amount into the pan. Carefully stirred paying attention to keeping the spoon on the bottom of pan. When pouring out the mixture the subject slowly carefully poured it into a perfect circle.
End Result: Smooth and ready to use. See Image Below.
Information Available on Subject: 9.8 yrs of age. Precise. Pays attention to detail.
Synopsis: Re-Measured the ingredients when handed to her. Slowly poured each carefully measured amount into the pan. Carefully stirred paying attention to keeping the spoon on the bottom of pan. When pouring out the mixture the subject slowly carefully poured it into a perfect circle.
End Result: Smooth and ready to use. See Image Below.
Subject #3: Justin Bennett
Information Available on Subject: 8.7 yrs of age. Emits a desire to pay attention to the details. It is also evident that the subject can’t sit still.
Synopsis: At first there were careful movements but about 30 seconds later the subject appeared to be in a hurry. The subject attempted to slow down when reminded but clearly was distracted.
End Result: Slightly Smooth, Slightly Lumpy. See Image Below.
Information Available on Subject: 8.7 yrs of age. Emits a desire to pay attention to the details. It is also evident that the subject can’t sit still.
Synopsis: At first there were careful movements but about 30 seconds later the subject appeared to be in a hurry. The subject attempted to slow down when reminded but clearly was distracted.
End Result: Slightly Smooth, Slightly Lumpy. See Image Below.
I am going to be copy writing these two studies, I know there are people out there who may what to plagiarize this amazing information.
WILL SOMEONE PLEASE JUST GIVE ME MY PHD ALREADY!?!?!
June 13, 2009
Weeds, Bikes & Septic Tanks
Yup, you read that right. That is my day in a nut shell. You may need a few more details so I will fill you in.
Today we spent time outside working in our yard or shall I say weed patch. The kids and I were challenged with the task of getting the yard aka “patch o weeds” ready to be “tilled” this afternoon. So with promises of DQ we sent about our task like the hard workers we are. We shoveled dirt, picked up rocks, drug tree branches, and moved chairs. And 10 minutes later we (by “we” I really mean the children and by the “children” I really mean Rebekah) gave up and was having to be brought back to the reality that if “we” didn’t work “we” didn’t get dairy queen. Well “we” did not like that very much and “we” gave me a very hard time for the next few minutes. So I had a little heart to heart with “we” and “we” decided that DQ was a good thing and that it would be a very bad thing if “we” did not get any and the other “we’s” did. Are you following? Good.
So about lunch time we went to dairy queen and got ourselves a tasty little treat. (“we” did get some by the way.) When we got home we all decided that we needed some play time and rode bikes on our newly paved road. It was thrilling.
Then it was time to start the tilling. So off the tracker went tilling away and as it pulled into our lovely patch of weeds I allowed myself to dream…I saw the new yard all full of grass with no room for weeds, I saw children playing in a land free of thistles. I saw lemonade being sipped on the deck, flowers growing in their nice little “beds”. I saw the BBQ hot and ready for the yummy burgers. I saw family and friends enjoying a nice summer day. I saw….CRUNCH! Then I woke up. The tracker had gone a whole 10 feet and caught on our lid to the septic tank. Yup, I could see all my lovely dreams being sucked down into the pit that smelled like….well NOT my new yard free or weeds!!!
So the next hour was spent trying to explain to the “we” that was mentioned above why “we” couldn't play by the “new hole” and why it was not a good idea to play “jump over the new hole” and why we were NOT going to keep the “new hole” for her to play with, even if it is her “new friend”. Doing all this “explaining” and trying to help get the tracker going again.
But now as I am writing this the children are all tucked safely in bed away from the new hole that is Beckah's best friend, and I can hear my wonderful husband running the tracker around our patch of weeds working so hard to give me my dream of a land free of weeds…
Today we spent time outside working in our yard or shall I say weed patch. The kids and I were challenged with the task of getting the yard aka “patch o weeds” ready to be “tilled” this afternoon. So with promises of DQ we sent about our task like the hard workers we are. We shoveled dirt, picked up rocks, drug tree branches, and moved chairs. And 10 minutes later we (by “we” I really mean the children and by the “children” I really mean Rebekah) gave up and was having to be brought back to the reality that if “we” didn’t work “we” didn’t get dairy queen. Well “we” did not like that very much and “we” gave me a very hard time for the next few minutes. So I had a little heart to heart with “we” and “we” decided that DQ was a good thing and that it would be a very bad thing if “we” did not get any and the other “we’s” did. Are you following? Good.
So about lunch time we went to dairy queen and got ourselves a tasty little treat. (“we” did get some by the way.) When we got home we all decided that we needed some play time and rode bikes on our newly paved road. It was thrilling.
Then it was time to start the tilling. So off the tracker went tilling away and as it pulled into our lovely patch of weeds I allowed myself to dream…I saw the new yard all full of grass with no room for weeds, I saw children playing in a land free of thistles. I saw lemonade being sipped on the deck, flowers growing in their nice little “beds”. I saw the BBQ hot and ready for the yummy burgers. I saw family and friends enjoying a nice summer day. I saw….CRUNCH! Then I woke up. The tracker had gone a whole 10 feet and caught on our lid to the septic tank. Yup, I could see all my lovely dreams being sucked down into the pit that smelled like….well NOT my new yard free or weeds!!!
So the next hour was spent trying to explain to the “we” that was mentioned above why “we” couldn't play by the “new hole” and why it was not a good idea to play “jump over the new hole” and why we were NOT going to keep the “new hole” for her to play with, even if it is her “new friend”. Doing all this “explaining” and trying to help get the tracker going again.
But now as I am writing this the children are all tucked safely in bed away from the new hole that is Beckah's best friend, and I can hear my wonderful husband running the tracker around our patch of weeds working so hard to give me my dream of a land free of weeds…
June 2, 2009
Ratio of Sarcasm to Document
It has come to my attention that some people reading this blog ARE in fact taking me seriously and are not reading it with the proper inflection in their voice. I being the concerned author that I am will try to clear things up for those of you who may be struggling. The following is the “ratio of sarcasm to document” you should be using. I have broken the ratio down into five areas that may need clarification. Feel free to copy and paste this to your personal files so you have a point of reference when reading anything authored by me in the future.
Disclaimer: The following chart is an average and may need to be adjusted at times. The author Bethany Bennett does not accept responsibility for the misuse of said chart.
Reading: A Normal Letter from Me
Level of Sarcasm: 75%
Reading: An E-mail from me
Level of Sarcasm: 85%
Reading: My Blog
Level of Sarcasm: 100%
Reading: My Status on Face Book
Level of Sarcasm: 99%
Reading: All Other Documents
Level of Sarcasm: 90%
I hope this clears everything up, and you now can read anything I have penned with the proper amount of sarcasm. This is so very important to me, it really, really is.
Disclaimer: The following chart is an average and may need to be adjusted at times. The author Bethany Bennett does not accept responsibility for the misuse of said chart.
Reading: A Normal Letter from Me
Level of Sarcasm: 75%
Reading: An E-mail from me
Level of Sarcasm: 85%
Reading: My Blog
Level of Sarcasm: 100%
Reading: My Status on Face Book
Level of Sarcasm: 99%
Reading: All Other Documents
Level of Sarcasm: 90%
I hope this clears everything up, and you now can read anything I have penned with the proper amount of sarcasm. This is so very important to me, it really, really is.
June 1, 2009
Be Prepared…
It is our custom at the Bennett house to NOT joke and play at the table when we are eating. We believe that when you are eating you do not need to be putting your plate on your head, combing your hair with your dingle hopper (fork) or poking your sibling trying to make them spew food all over. I know harsh huh? But rules are rules no matter how absurd they may sound. If we are not eating with the kids the meal time is spent telling them to “stop and eat your food”. I did not realize how much I had said that until on Saturday the kids were eating lunch and Coby and I were working outside. A few minutes after I went outside to help Coby sure enough we hear Justin trying to get Michael to laugh and some dishes clanging, I pop my head in the door and say “Children finish this sentence for me ‘be quiet and …’” to that they all reply in unison “eat your food”. I say “thank you” and go back to working. Not more than a minute later we hear the scrapping of stools and some more dishes clanging so I shout “Stop and …” “eat your food” they say then I say “finish this sentence for me ‘eat your food and stop joking around or you can ALL go into your bedrooms and prepare your bottoms for…’” and they all look at each other and say in unison, “SPANKINGS”. I say “Thank you for your time and understanding on this matter I look forward to NOT spanking you all this afternoon.” They did finish their lunch. They did NOT get spankings….yet.